The Beauty of Yoga
International Yoga Day (June 21st) comes at an interesting time. Currently I’m reading ‘The Heart of Yoga’ by T.K.V. Desikachar as a part of my yoga teacher training. As I read this, I’m discovering why yoga has been such an important part of my life.
In my early 20’s yoga helped me from an unknown sickness that was affecting my digestive system. Causing horrific hours of dry heaving during the time of night I should be dreaming. I’ve never gotten a true diagnosis. I’ve never cared why yoga worked either. It worked. That’s all that mattered to me. I may have had years where I didn’t practice. Yet I always came back to yoga.
In my late 20’s I got divorced. This was a time period of great grief for me. Not only from the divorce. Life has a way of multiplying the things you are going through. I had no idea how to love myself. I THOUGHT I did. Yet the stuff happening around me points out that I don’t. I’m confused. Lost. How do you know where to go when you don’t know where you are or how you got there?
Yoga helped me figure that out. Without the intention. I’m a hardcore bikram yoga fan. I LOVE the torture of it. Hell yeah. Give it to me. YES! I feel great after a hot yoga class. 90 min? No problem. It took me years to notice that whenever my mind would wander to my to-do list, what sucked, or whatever, I’d fall out of posture. Since I’m competitive with myself I wanted to figure out the best way for me to stay in posture as frequently and as long as possible. Little did I know, I was meditating. By being aware of my body.
“Yoga is not passive. We have to participate in life.”
I was establishing roots in what I would learn later is ‘being present’ or ‘living in the now’. By focusing my attention ONLY to my breath, keeping it calm, and ONLY to my body, I was turning off my mind. Do you know what that’s like? Normally I don’t. My mind is a clown on crack in a bouncy house. To feel nothing going on in my head was incredible. I never knew what to call it. The best side effect was yoga always seemed to help me find clarity with decision making.
Little did I know, the breathing techniques were turning off my mind. Which in turn were turning on my parasympathetic nervous system. Which meant I was calmer. More clear. I could actually hear myself. Boom. Decisions were made. Have you ever had clarity after a yoga class? Well, that’s the science baby. It’s true. You can make better and healthier decisions for yourself with a yoga practice. Simply by paying attention to my breath.
“Yoga is a practice of observing yourself without judgment.”
Currently I find a hard left in my path. I’m forced to not participate in my normal ways to decompress. With tight IT bands, knee issues and a possibility for tendonitis in my feet (hiker with flat feet). Which has made me lost. Foul in my mind. Decisions have become a stress again. How do I get that back? The yoga I know isn’t feeling right. It’s hurting for the first time ever. Hiking is completely out of the picture unless I don’t want to be able to walk for the next 3 days. Great. Two huge loves, gone. I’m insane again.
Recently I moved to Boise, Idaho and got my license as a real estate agent. I even accepted a position with a Broker after passing my test. I also got anxious, in a bad way. Couldn’t make a decision. This feels so wrong. But it’s the right thing for me to do right now. But it feels so wrong. Fuck. My lifelong career of not having a career continues on.
I need my mind to stop spinning. At the very least I need it to slow down. Boom. Bust out a yoga app. It’s ok. Old lady yoga. Let’s do it. I even posted an instagram photo of this moment because I needed to be gentle with myself. This was humbling. But I did it. Still loved it. As I took the photo and made the post, boom. There it was. That still small voice. The decision maker who I missed so much!
Those who know that voice know how much it seems to also talk in riddles while giving you clarity. This time it said ‘why don’t you become a yoga teacher?’. We’ve had this discussion before. I can’t make a living being a yoga teacher. That’s ludicrous. You may as well pursue your art too. Get super unrealistic. The voice came back… ‘Shhh, Robs, just look.’
So I did. Drawn to, for no reason in particular, the Sage Yoga & Wellness Studio here in Downtown Boise. Shoot. Class has already started. See. Can’t do it. The voice came back… ‘Shhh, Robs, just reach out. Send an email. If they say no, you can be a realtor’. Shit. Can’t argue with that. Email sent. Naomi Jones, my heart will forever be grateful for you. “Come on in,” she said, “let’s get you started.”
I had no idea what I enrolled in. What the fuck is Yin yoga? Why is this shit soooooo slow? The voice came back, ‘Who cares. You don’t know you’re not sick anymore. It doesn’t matter.’ The I discover rest is welcome in Yin. I could totally take a nap. The voice… ‘Robs, I got you here. Trust the process.’
As I pursue yet another avenue for my human financial survival, I find myself in the perfect space. Little did I know that Yin which teach me about the thing I struggle with most of all. Surrender. I’m not the surrendering type. I’m a ‘let’s make this happen’ type. Surrender? ‘NEVVVVVER! Never give up. Never surrender.’
Somehow letting life be as it is, is my greatest hurdle. So here I am. A lover of yoga. Open with curiosity. And finding surrender to be one of my greatest ambitions.
To all the yogi’s out there, whether full-time or part-time. Happy International Yoga Day.
“Recognizing our personal starting points begin with the exploration of the body, including the breath.”
Breath on & stay curious.
Love,
Waffle
Ps. Forward this to all your yogi & non-yogi friends. We all could use something that adds beauty into our lives.
The Instagram photo when I made a hard left turn.
